#peakporn testimonial

I joined the Facebook group ‘Refuse to date men who use porn’ almost 12 months ago.

I have written a small testimonial for that group. I have shared it here too in the hope that other men might see a pattern in themselves or in other men/boys and begin talking about the cultural impacts porn is having

This is a testimonial I was asked to provide for this group.

I hope men see it’s message of the downward spiral of porn.

Porn taught me that there is a world full of women and girls who ‘want it’ and no one in my culture stopped me.

I first masturbated at age 11/12. I had never seen porn to this point. I remember I used to think about girls I had seen at swimming club.

I remember one day I found an ‘Alvin Purple’ book. I can’t remember the stories. I can remember seeing pictures of black and white naked people.

I started using the images of women I saw to masturbate and ‘storing them to memory.’ Us ‘aspiring young men’ even developed a name for this storing of images. We would call it our ‘spank-bank.’ I remember that I would feel great shame when I’d orgasmed, but never spoke of it.

Playboy and hustler were the next stage. Full glossy colour, big pictures and lots and lots of naked, close up women. After seeing a movie called ‘Revenge of the nerds’ we boys became obsessed with ‘We’ve got bush’ and I used this imagery while masturbating daily.

‘Blue movies’ became available. These movies were like if the Playboy/Hustler magazine stories were filmed. My masturbation increased to many times per day at 16 years of age. It would stay at this level for the next 30 years.

At 17 years of age I saw my first live strip show while on a school trip.

At 18 years of age I found what I now know to be as my first hardcore porn experience. It was a magazine on the street near the University I was attending. It was tattered and torn but I could still see parts of it and what I could see sent my ‘Spank-bank’ into chaos. I spent hours alone in my room using that magazine. Soon though I disposed of it, feeling disgusted with my self.

Within a short time, I found an adult shop (conveniently on my way to university) and upon entering that shop I experienced something that I still can’t put words to other than obscenity. It felt wrong but here was woman, spread wall to wall, everywhere I could turn. I remember quickly choosing a 3-magazines- in-sealed-plastic-covers special for $20 and then leaving hastily, hoping like hell no one saw me exit the store. To my knowledge no one ever did.

I used these magazines many times per day, going through a cycle of orgasm, disgust, school, orgasm, disgust, eat, orgasm, disgust, sleep until I got so disgusted, I threw the magazines away. I would still masturbate, but I tried to only use my ‘spank-bank’

Within weeks I was back in the store, purchasing 3 more magazines, and doing the same cycle of masturbation, disgust until I would throw the magazines out again. The magazine purchasing cycle continued for years in secret. I had a long term relationship during this time and never once did I mention it to her. I was too disgusted. My sex with her started as an enjoyable experience. By the end I couldn’t maintain erection.

I purchased my first xxx-rated video from an adult store around this time also and kept this with my magazines. My addiction was fully fledged by now. I kept it secret from everyone, too ashamed of what I had become to talk to anyone but still using it every chance I got.

My relationship broke down, I dropped out of uni, started delivering pizzas and for a while I did nothing but eat, sleep, work, drink and masturbate.

The porn I was using got harder and darker. I was still hooked on a particular type of image even at 23 years of age: young teen. This is the image that porn pushed into mind and it was what I sought. It wasn’t hard to find. Every adult book store carried seemingly endless selections of this. And I would go through the cycle with magazines/videos/DVD’s of buy, use, disgust, throw away until……

Now if it stopped there, it would have seen me in the mid 90’s in my mid 20’s with a heavy porn addiction, being fuelled by the magazines/videos in Adult Book Stores. It was expensive and it was severely impacting my erectile function. I thought I was just doing it too much and that I could control it. I kept it this way for almost a decade. Then came the internet-porn and everything changed.

Anything that could be imagined was suddenly available at a click. I could search what I wanted, when I wanted. And I did. For a decade I used internet porn multiple times per day. I would use it at home, I would use it at work, I would use it as friends houses, I would use it for hours. I would have dozens of windows opened with each video paused on the exact moment I wanted. I would combine this with blackout drug usage.

My drug usage became an obvious problem and I landed in a rehab in 2012 and began recovery for alcohol and drugs. I was still too ashamed to reveal my porn addiction. So I just stopped using it cold turkey for almost 2 years while

I got clean of drugs and started living clean with my then wife.

It didn’t take long for me to start using the internet for porn again. My first smartphone at the end of 2014 was the death knell for my marriage. I could now access porn 24/7 anywhere I wanted and i had no interest in talking with my wife about something that I didn’t even see as a problem.

My marriage ended in 2015. Its my fault we got married to begin with. I was lying about the most important thing the whole time: that male-supremacy even exists and porn is the capitalised version

I continued to use smart phone driven porn until January this year when I hit #peakporn. There was no questioning it or denying it. I have done enough drug recovery to recognise addiction.

I have used porn once since then, in March. Immediately after using it I burst into tears. I have not viewed porn since.

Porn left me burnt out with life, suicidal and disconnected with my real actual feelings. I’m not a monster, I was made one by a pornified culture. It started with innocent masturbation and ended with me actively seeking the most obscene things I could imagine just to make myself orgasm.

Porn in 2017 is not what it was in 2002 is not what is was in 1983. It’s so much worse. And it cannot be controlled. We all must begin to recover from its impacts.

I can elaborate on this testimonial but I just wanted to get the message out there from this persons perspective, I began behaving like a human when I stopped watching porn

#antiporn #testimonial #pornisrapeontape

#EndDemand #EndSexploitation

Stop stealing our Indigenous struggle: A guide for the non-Indigenous Supporter

Thank you for your words.

Exploring the depths of the Maori Experience

I often see well-meaning non-Indigenous who are trying to help with Indigenous cause. Before I get into the nitty-gritty of this blog, I want to frame it with this poignant, yet beautifully sad story and a lesson from a butterfly.

A man spent hours watching a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon. The butterfly managed to make a small hole, but its large body struggled to release. After a long struggle, the butterfly appeared to be exhausted and remained absolutely still. The man decided to help the butterfly and, with a pair of scissors, he cut open the cocoon, thus freeing the butterfly. However, the butterfly’s wings were crumpled and stuck to its body. The man continued to watch, hoping at any moment, the butterfly’s wings would open and fly. Nothing happened. What the man – out of kindness and his eagerness to help – had failed to understand…

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Aboriginal Tent Embassy ‘evicts’ Commonwealth from Canberra’s Lobby restaurant

Sovereignty was never ceded

Warrior Publications

Australia tent embassy occupation From left, Ngunnawal representative Charlie Brown, Aboriginal elder Uncle Kevin Buzzacott, and Ngunnawal representative Nioka Coe outside the Lobby restaurant on Monday. Photo: Jamila Toderas

by Sherryn Groch, Canberra Times, Nov 6, 2017

It’s hosted Canberra’s prime ministers, diplomats and brides but now the iconic Lobby restaurant is home to a quiet occupation.

Nioka Coe, a Ngunnawal person, joined forces on Sunday with the Aboriginal Tent Embassy to “reclaim” the restaurant in an act of sovereignty.

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Ep 39: Black Deaths & the Digital Resistance

Curtain The Podcast

Hosts Amy Mcquire and Martin Hodgson are back with a new episode of Curtain that focusses on a new initiative called cop watch and one of its key players. Amy sits down the campaigner Shaun Harris, the Uncle of Ms Dhu to talk about empowering Aboriginal communities, the systematic racism Aboriginal people face daily and an encounter with law enforcement in Alice Springs.

podcast-itunes

This weeks episode was made possible with the support of Uri Auerbach, Jacqui Newberry, Susan Peterson, Simon Crewdson and other generous donors.
They pledged support and you can too at https://www.patreon.com/CurtainPodcast

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Crazy Policeman attacks Indigenous kids – other Police shocked

Wiradjuri News

A frustrated Policeman attempts arrest on young girl trying to help him

Policeman goes crazy trying to arrest kids 

The video shows a group of Murris (Indigenous Queenslanders) being asked to ‘move on’ by a Policeman who over reacts.

The Policeman is frustrated with the group who are simply shopping at the time. Other Police arrive to understand the situation and look dumbfounded.

The frustrated Policeman tries to arrest a young girl who bent to pick up his keys, who had her hand out to give them back to him but he launches for her arm.

After failing to grab & arrest members of the small group, the Policeman from Murgon Qld falls into a heap when he dives & misses them.

The other Police members look in shock and assist the group to move away from the Policeman.

The Policeman centred in the video was found in a police…

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Families walk B.C. Highway of Tears to honour missing, murdered Indigenous women

Warrior Publications

smithers-december-18-2007-billboard-warning-girls-not-to-hi Billboard warning girls not to hitchhike on the Highway of Tears (Highway 16) where many young women have gone missing. This is just north of Smithers. Steve Bosch / Vancouver Sun

by Laura Kane, Associated Press, September 20, 2017

When Gladys Radek walks the Highway of Tears, she says she can feel the spirits of women who are missing or have been murdered walking beside her.

Dozens have vanished or been killed along the notorious stretch of Highway 16 in central British Columbia. On Thursday, Radek will honour the 12th anniversary of the disappearance of her niece, Tamara Lynn Chipman, by walking the route once again.

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‘Sex Work’- The Dignity Of Men

eachone

Call it what it is, it’s prostitution.

The dignity of men is something they take very seriously. Dignity, even and especially, under (male) law, is predicated on the concept of choice. The male concept of dignity is based on status due to class structure.

A lot of people with little choice also like to claim they have choice because it is linked to the concept of dignity.

The rhetoric around prostitution being an industry of stigma and shame for the prostituted relies entirely on making sure men do not look bad. Men are shamed only by association and proximity to the prostituted person rather than their creation and ongoing demand for us.

They use us because we are there, and they want to feel dignified in doing so.
There is no cognizance by the general public that men put us there. There is no cognizance of who benefits from us…

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WLRN Interview with Julia Long & Organizers of the What Is Gender Conference in London

Women’s Liberation Radio News

Hour-long interview with Trixie & Ruby, two organizers of the What Is Gender conference that took place in London on September 13th and Julia Long, a speaker at the conference.

On September 13th, at Speakers’ Corner in Hyde Park in London, trans activists swarmed a group of women meeting to discuss the meaning of the word “gender” and the Gender Recognition Act that is getting support from both the left and the right in the UK.

A 60 year old woman was beaten by several of the male activists and police were called to Speakers’ Corner before the conference took place. The women were determined to hold it despite the attacks and some managed to make it to a secret venue located near Hyde Park.

Our featured picture is by Venice Allen and is of conference participants listening to one of the talks.

In this interview, WLRN’s Thistle Pettersen speaks…

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A Systemic Problem With Internet Organizing

There Are So Many Things Wrong With This

Back in the days when there were small, stable communities, people who had more or less stayed together in one place for generations, people got into it with each other just as much as they do today. But there were a couple of big differences.

One is that they had more investment in dispute resolution, because they were all of a tribe. To fail to resolve disputes would mean, ultimately, the demise of the community.

The other is that since everybody knew each other, it was relatively easy to determine who the arbiters were. They were not people who got themselves into positions of power by force or trickery, not in a healthy community. They would be the elders who were known to be fair, who had known everybody all their lives, who had a good insight into human foibles, people who had a knack for seeing through misrepresentations. People…

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